Wednesday, February 3, 2010

*sigh*....I hate cats.

I just realized, I haven't written much about our home life in a while. This blog was originally created to document the funny and interesting things that go on in my life as a SAHM and wife. Problem is, my life isn't nearly as interesting as I must have thought it was when I decided to create a blog, so its gotten, for the most part, pretty derailed. Oh well. Whatcha gonna do?!?

So anyway, we have been having major issues with our cat. Its not a new thing, but as most things go, its gotten progressively worse over the 7 months we've had her. (Wierd...I just realized its been 7 months TO THE DAY! Crazy.)

Jeremy and I always said that when the time came to get a pet, it wouldn't be a cat. See, we're dog people. Cats just bug us. So maybe that should have been our first clue.

But anyway.... Jeremy's co-worker's cat ended up having kittens, so she was looking for good homes for them. Now Jeremy's no dummy, so he should have known better, but he told me to take the kids over one afternoon to see the kitties. Me + 3 young kids + adorable kitten with pink nose, calico colors, and little white face.... You do the math. I mean, look at this kitten. She's adorable!! Could YOU say no to that?!?!



At that point, it was going to be near-impossible for us parents to say no. THEN, to make matters worse, Denise, knowing that Joy (our 5 year old daughter) is Jeremy's soft spot, started calling the cat "JC" as an abbreviation for "Joy's cat." Denise got him in a figurative "head lock." There was no way he could say no to a cat that was specifically designated as "Joy's cat." So, we resigned ourselves to the fact we were getting a cat, changed her name to the more feminine "Jaycie," and brought her home once she was litter box trained and no longer nursing.

The cat is a SPAZ!! She has been a spaz pretty much since the day she was born. The cat is endlessly curious, has no fear, and is all energy. Well, most cats mellow with age. Jaycie has failed to calm down even one teeny bit! And when the cat gets wound up - which doesn't take much - she bites, scratches, jumps on you completely unprovoked... And needless to say, it hurts! On any given day, I never know how many scratches Joy has, but I can betcha its more than a dozen. She loves her cat a little TOO much, so the cat retaliates from all the hugging and squeezing with bites and scratches. Clearly, the love isn't mutual. Now, over time, I have figured out how to, most of the time, avoid her bites and scratches. I have observed her enough and figured out the "warning signs" that precede a bite or scratch, and when she starts, I put her on the floor and tell her no, then ignore her for a while. The kids either haven't yet figured her out, or are simply gluttons for punishment, because they still constantly provoke attacks from the cat. Which doesn't take much, but still. It would be nice to have more of a lap cat, and less of an attack cat. I have pretty much resigned myself to the fact my cat is a big fat meanie though, and if my kids continue to get scratched and bitten, eventually they'll either get tired of the cat, or learn not to provoke her. I think we're still a long way off from that though. And okay, in the cat's defense, we all "mess" with her probably more than we should. But, well, she started it. If she was a nice, calm kitty, then we probably would take pity on her and not bother her. But she's not, so I guess we take some sick pleasure in minor forms of retaliation. I'm not talking abuse by any stretch of the imagination - we would NEVER hurt an animal! - but bugging her is kinda fun. I'll admit, I laughed my head off when Seth tied a balloon to her once. She didn't float away or anything, but it was funny to watch her walk around funny, looking annoyed, with a balloon tied to her middle. And its funny when Jeremy sticks his socks on her tail. Harmless, but to the cat, really obnoxious. Seriously, she is a great form of entertainment, provided you go in fully aware that you just might get completely mauled. So I guess, when it all comes down to it, its tit for tat....right?!

Then there is the issue of the litter box. Nobody likes to clean the cat box. For a while, we put Seth in charge of that chore. Well, he didn't like doing it (who does?!), so he would scoop, like, 5 clumps a day, and leave the rest. Well, the cat makes more than 5 clumps a day, so...yeah....it wasn't getting even close to sanitarily clean. So then, since Joy is a much more thorough individual (even though she's younger), we put her in charge of it. Yeah...that didn't really work either. So now...*sigh*...its become a "joint" chore of Jeremy's and mine. Problem is, I think he only cleans it once a month. The rest falls on me. (Although, in his defense, he is the one who usually rinses and scrubs it out when it gets completely disgusting....which I appreciate, because scrubbing cat poop off the litter box is not my idea of a good time. AT ALL.) So every day I end up having to stand in the cold sun porch, trying to keep Skye (the toddler) out, while gagging and scooping out what are probably the biggest kitty litter clumps I have ever seen in my life. And usually just that 5 minutes I have the porch door open makes it stink like cat poo in the dining room for an hour or so. Good times. Not. So now we're considering moving the cat to the basement. I mean, the basement already smells like mildew and dankness, so its not like a litter box down there is going to make any difference. And the cat loves the basement and can climb posts and old bases of chimneys and catch the chipmunk that periodically decides to climb in there through an old pipe, so its not like she would be getting the raw end of the deal or anything. Of course...*sigh*...the litter box will still need daily cleaning, but at least maybe it'll be more tolerable. "Maybe" being the operative word. Jeremy would like to make her an indoor/outdoor cat, but we live on a busy road and the cat has no fear, and I just don't want to be the one doing damage control if the kitty becomes roadkill. The kids would be devastated, and I would have to explain myself to Denise, neither of which sounds like an enjoyable scenario for me. So, unfortunately....no.

Oh, and then there is the fact that the cat is a walking garbage disposal. Now, you have to understand, I don't really like daily sweeping. The house is lucky if it gets swept every 3 or 4 days. (Sad, I know, but whatcha gonna do?!) So things do sometimes build up under the high chair and in the space where I stand to prep food in the kitchen. The cat scrounges the floor constantly, looking for crumbs of whatever she can find. Unfortunately, she doesn't stick to just food. She will eat paper, pebbles, leaves, pencil erasers...anything really...and has become quite a connoiseur (sp?) of hair rubber bands and dental floss. (I find them in her poop and barf all the time.) Its gross.

Well, since I can't follow the cat around the house 24/7, or have my floors completely spotless all the time, I have just sort of let it go. But unfortunately, this has only escalated the problem. Now the cat will dig through the trash, and climb on the table and in the high chair looking for scraps. I tell ya, sometimes I think the dumb cat thinks she's a dog, not a cat! We have tried yelling at her, but she's completely unphased. She may jump down for, oh, I don't know, 10 seconds, then is right back up. Its tiresome, to say the least. So finally, last week, I busted out a water bottle. This is only marginally helping the problem. One, because again, I can't keep track of her every whereabout all day long, and two, because half the time she sees me coming. And the most effective squirt is directly in the face, but obviously, if she sees me coming, she starts jumping down, trying to trick me into thinking her being up there was a mirage or something. Which, yeah, I'm the human. I have the mental advantage here, so...sorry cat, I'm not fooled. Butt and side shots work, but I have to squirt her about half a dozen times, as opposed to one good squirt to the face. I am hoping this method eventually pays off, but so far, she doesn't really seem to care. I know in hindsight, I should have gotten the squirt bottle 6 months ago and nipped this in the bud when she was a kitten and still young and impressionable, but I guess I just gave too much of the benefit of the doubt to the darn cat. I'm nice, what can I say?!

So anyway, those are my kitty woes. Not that anyone cares, and you probably are now left thinking, "Wow. Why did I just waste 6 minutes of my life reading about Megan's stupid cat?" but anyway...sorry about that. Sometimes a woman's just got to vent about a cat, and really, what else is a blog good for?!?

Alright...I'm done. I'll give it a rest.

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